Hello – it has
been a couple of weeks and I have missed talking to you. Hope you are well and enjoying the transition
from summer to fall. I love fall weather
so this is my favorite time of year. I love
the changing of the colors, signaling death but also the beginning of new
life. Winter will provide just enough of
a freeze to kill off things but also the impetus for new growth that we will
see in the spring. It’s a great time – a
great time to celebrate new beginnings, or at least the promise of a new
beginning.
As I consider the
fall season and all that occurs during this time my mind has shifted to grief,
and specifically those I know who are grieving.
For those of you that don’t know, I can say that I am a griever. I have lost some significant people, things
and situations in my life. I also took
training and became certified as a Grief Recovery Specialist in 2000, allowing
me to conduct grief recovery support groups.
I just recounted some of my story to persons who are in my current
group, letting them know I have conducted groups for a long time and have had
the privilege of assisting persons through the grief process and setting them
on the path to recovery. During my time
as a grief recovery specialist I have come to learn that I have a passion for
assisting persons who are heart-broken and, in my opinion, need to be
reconnected to the True Vine and the real source of their peace and comfort –
God (read John 15:1-9. This will give
you some context to my statement about the True Vine).
Grief is a
natural and normal response to a loss of any kind – this statement comes for
the manual “The Grief Recovery Handbook”, written by John W. James and Russell
Friedman. The problem is we don’t see
grief as natural or normal. We do all we
can to push it down, ignore it or dismiss it.
Those around us do the same thing.
We have an expiration date for our grief – friends and family will only
give us so long to grieve. They don’t want
to see us in pain, but they also have not admitted their uneasiness with our
pain. Instead, they want us to get “over
it”. People believe it’s time to move
forward with life and forget about all that pain and suffering associated with
losing a husband, a child, a relationship or a friend. Unfortunately, it is not that easy. Unfortunately, it was never meant to be that
easy!
I teach people
that grief is not just associated with death of a loved one. If I lose my favorite pet to death, or break
a leg or grapple with recent news of a serious illness, I suffer grief. I also teach people that grief is a hallway,
not a new living place. If we follow the
analogy of the hallway, I want to say one other thing about it – this hallway
is not meant to be sprinted through, but walked through, allowing each step to
be one step closer to healing and recovery - discovering your new normal. There is a blessing in the journey.
When I ponder
some of the important messages grief provides to us today I want you to hear
this message – you can recover from grief.
Do not misunderstand me, I am not saying to sprint or run through your
grief experience. One of the myths of
grief is time heals all wounds. This statement
is untrue. The truth is it takes time to
heal, but the passage of time does not guarantee healing. You must choose to recover. You must choose to take the steps necessary
to walk through your hallway and once you come out on the other side, embrace
better times.
Your choice to
recover takes the form selecting a strategy for healing. Seek the services of a counselor or join a
grief group, talk with friends and family about ways they can help you,
especially on the low days when your memories of the past will cloud your
prospect of your future or confuse you choices for today. Choose, each day, to recover. Liken your journey to the same one AA members
take as they confess their predisposition to alcohol but in the same way declare
that alcohol will not define or limit the promises for today and prospects for
tomorrow. Choose.
If you find
yourself in a place of grief, you are not alone. I am where you are. I may not know exactly how you feel (which I don’t)
but I am choosing the life of recovery each day. If you want to begin the journey to come out
of your hallway and discover the newness awaiting you on the other side, I can
help. I can get you start a strategic plan. So many people would love to help you (especially
me)!
If you are
reading this and want assistance to begin the journey, you can respond to this
blog or email me directly at Psalm139Designed@gmail.com
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